I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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