why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
