i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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