I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
