Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
