just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
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I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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