how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We need a shit load of segways right now
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Randomize
