Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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