i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
