this boner is exhausting
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
