I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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