Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
