Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
