so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
