why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
