I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
