As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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