i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
