wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
