If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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