Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
