The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
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What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
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It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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