You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
