Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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