So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
