is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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