we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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