Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
