when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
