i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
