now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
