every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize