I wish my penis had an off switch
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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