he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
