i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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