This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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