Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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