so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
