You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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