I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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