You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize