fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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