Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
