You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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