you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
