Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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