I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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