Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
