i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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