I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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