Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
