Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
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She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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