There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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