Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
