obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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