recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
