Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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