she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
