I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
