took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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