you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so much tequila, so little girl.
His nipple licking is glorious
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
