Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
