Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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