By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
