Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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