Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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