I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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