I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
