watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
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I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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