I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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