So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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